“Don’t you regret it?” my 22-year-old son asked me a couple of days ago during our regular call.
“No!” I replied.
“But last time I talked to you, you said you regret all the incidents where you slapped me or used a cane on me,” my son sounded impatient.
“Yes, I remember telling you that,” I said.
“So, what has changed now?” he asked, sounding unhappy.
“After I talked to you, I thought about it. And I realized I was wrong—I shouldn’t regret anything,” I replied, but my son still didn’t seem convinced.
I continued, “Look, when I was your age, I can name at least ten people who thought disciplining me was their obligation, even if it meant multiple slaps or using a cane.
In your case, you were (un)lucky it was just me—your father.”
He was far from convinced. “What is that supposed to mean? That was 40 years ago, and I’m talking about today,” he argued.
“Doesn’t matter. Let me explain,” I said.
“You know it takes 7-8 ingredients to make a nice, delicious biryani. But can you simply eat any of these ingredients on their own? Garlic, chili powder, ginger, masala powder?” I asked.
He was quiet.
“No, you can’t. Nobody can. But when all these ingredients come together, they make the dish so delicious.
Today, when I look at myself, whatever little I have achieved is because of the contribution of all those people—including those who slapped or used a cane to discipline me when I was a child or young.
So today, when I look back, I have to take a holistic view and not pick and choose based on my preferences.
Those who were tough on me contributed just as much to my upbringing as those who taught me in a gentler way.
And the last thing I want or expect from them is regret!
I was blessed that all these people took an interest in my life. If you look at them in today’s context, they could have simply ignored me.
So if you want to judge me, judge me in my entirety—not based on what suits you.”
I paused and continued, “Another point is that I think regret is a waste of time. It doesn’t change anything. I learn and move on, but I don’t regret.
When I became a first-time father with you, that was the only way I knew to discipline a child. It’s not as if I had multiple choices and chose the wrong one!
The question here is: Would I do the same with you today?
The answer is a big ‘NO.’
But back then, I was thrown into the water with no training, no handholding, and no manual—I swam the only way I knew how.
So I don’t regret being hard on you.
For a child, it’s the mother who helps build their emotions, and it’s the father who builds their character.
Now tell me—do you want my regret?” I asked in the end.
“I think I understand now,” was his answer before we moved on to the next topic.
“Should I look for #jobs in #startups or large #organisations?”, my #son who is about to finish his #college, asked me.
I asked him, “What would you look for in your job? #Money or Learning #Experience?”
He said, “Both.”.
I told, “No single organization can give a college passout both.
You have to choose one.
If you choose money, than look for a job in big companies, and if it’s learning experience than look for a job in a startup, even better if you could start something yourself.
However, one thing before you decide.
If you choose money today, 30 years from now you would worry of losing your job.
If you choose value today, 30 years down the line your job would worry of losing you.”